My Plate

Although I felt that I was fairly health conscious, keeping the Food Journal  caused me think every time I made a decision about what to eat.  Often, I made a better choice knowing that I would be logging that food into a journal.  Despite the fact that the only one holding me accountable was me, I still made the effort.  Logging all of my fitness activity made me realize how often I decide that something else is more important and put the exercise off until “tomorrow”.  I made exercise more of a priority when I started tracking it (and the calories burned) into my log.  I know that my children really admire their teachers and love to have something in common with them outside of school.  When they discovered that two of their teachers were runners, they were even more enthusiastic about completing their first 5k.  I may follow the example of one of the teachers and keep a collection of race bibs at school.  At the very least I will share my participation in different fitness activities with my students.  It also might be useful to keep a color coded food journal with me so that I can share with my students how I track not only what I eat, but whether or not I am eating balanced meals through the day.  I’m certain that there are MyPlate resources available for use in schools.  I could use them in the classroom to help the students have at least a basic understanding regarding balanced meals, even if their balance looks different from the balance on the .gov Plate.  It might be beneficial to address that recommended diets are usually a reflection of the dominant culture.  Reading a book like “Everybody Cooks Rice” might be a nice way to look at all of the different cultures represented by all the dinners in a single neighborhood.  If the students were to keep their own journals, we could track how many servings of fruits, vegetables, grains, etc. they consume in a day and perform some single digit addition for K-1.  If the students were not comfortable sharing their own diets, we could count the calories in a story book, maybe “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.”  For older students, we might include some calorie information for different foods.  We could review how much exercise would be required to burn the calories from a list of different foods (e.g. how many minutes of running for one carrot, one slice of bread, one apple, one donut, one corndog).  They could set their own nutrition and/or fitness goals and keep a journal of their progress.  They could write about the goal they chose and why it is important to them.  They could track their progress and write a few sentences about how they are feeling about reaching their goals and if they are noticing any changes in themselves.  We could have them track their pulse rates before and after recess as a lead in to a section on heart & lung function.  With the cooperation of the PE teacher we could track pulse rates after specific activities and compare which made our hearts beat faster. 

When I have a specific goal, I prioritize the exercise/training required to complete the goal.  When I turned 40, I decided that by my next birthday I was going to 1) run a 10k, 2) be competitive in Advanced Black Belt Hyung competition, and 3) get back to my pre-baby weight.  I worked hard on training for the first two and as a result, the third happened automatically.  When I reached my goals I was inspired to set a new one.  That next year I completed a half-marathon with my mom.    I did not set another fitness goal until this year.  I have set a very short-term fitness goal for myself, the 6-week fitness challenge on EA Active Sports, but intend to find another 10k to run in the Fall so that I feel committed to running again.  I am only a week into the 6-week challenge, but I haven’t missed a workout yet.  What I can do for my students is model commitment to my health and set challenging but achievable goals.  I hope that I can help them to do the same.

So, how's school going?

I love it!  It's really challenging.  It's great.  I'm overwhelmed.  I have felt that every moment of instruction has been a true learning experience, no time has been wasted.  I have felt tremendous guilt every time I've said "I'm sorry sweetheart, Mommy doesn't have time for that right now, I have homework."  I am truly enjoying this program and this cohort full of wonderful, supportive personalities.  I am really missing time to just be with my children.  I'm ready to do something with them spontaneously, not carefully planning an activity where the kids will have fun but I can squeeze in some homework.

The lack of time to complete my regular house chores has been a blessing?  Well, I'm not really enjoying the enormous piles of unfolded clean laundry on all available couch or daybed surface downstairs.  I am a little weary of trying to find something to wear by looking through numerous stacks of clean, folded laundry around the bathtub that are threatening to topple over if someone walks by too fast.  But, I did enjoy finding out that my children are capable of working together as a team and thoroughly cleaning the kitchen, for the right price.  If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you will be able to track each time the girls clean the kitchen by my check-ins at Canarino Gelato.  Also, we discovered that the girls are capable of cooking an entire meal almost completely on their own.  And, they enjoy it!!!  In my desperation to both get healthy food on the table and finish the required reading one evening, I put Angela in charge of cooking the Turkey Chili & Rice, Danielle in charge of the Salad, and Maria in charge of the roasted chicken.  It was delicious and my girls were so proud of what they had accomplished.  On another night we gained a new recipe.  We discovered that we did not quite have all of the ingredients for two of the things we wanted to make; a pasta salad and a tuna pasta.  I asked Maria if she thought we should just use the ingredients we did have to make a new kind of pasta salad.  She was very excited about the idea.  I let her run with it.  I made a few suggestions here and there, but really let her lead the way.  She was one proud 6 year old when her Daddy said "I am naming this Maria's Yummy Yummy Tuna Pasta Salad."  And, indeed that is what is at the top of the new recipe card that Maria wrote right after dinner.  We even served it one more time this Summer when our guests from South Africa were here.  They thought it was quite tasty as well.  Maria just glows when she talks about creating the recipe and shows off the special recipe card she created!

I am truly committed to this teaching program and look forward to my continued learning both as a teacher candidate and in the UW classroom.  Despite my tremendous guilt over feeling like I am neglecting my children to follow my own personal dream, I feel that I have gained some valuable tools for becoming both a better teacher and a better parent.  I can hardly wait until I feel like I have time to put these tools to good use!

Children give me strength. Children, give me strength.

When I was in my late twenties and early thirties living on my own with my two cats, Cleocatra and Charlemagne, I was terrified of spiders.  If I saw one in my bedroom, I would send in the cats, close my bedroom door except for a small crack, and either hope for solid evidence that the spider was gone or just sleep on the couch.  Charlemagne (Charlie) seemed to know my discomfort and on more than one occasion would come out of the room with spider legs dangling out of his mouth and would then make a satisfying crunch.  I'm guessing that sometimes I simply imagined that he had dispatched of the spider so that I could sleep peacefully.  I assume that much of what I saw and heard was amplified by my fear and imagination.  I spent years yelping and running away at the sight of even the tiniest of these eight-legged critters.  Soon after my twins were born, I decided that I did not want my children to grow up with my fears.  I was going to have to get over it and learn how to live peacefully with spiders.  Strangely, once I had this mindset, it just happened.  As my children grew older I even stopped getting rid of the spiders.  If one of the girls found one in the bathroom, I said "What shall we name him?"  Now, every time there is a spider in residence in our guest bathroom, he receives the traditional name "Fred, the bathroom spider."  When they started picking out their own library books, we'd check out books about spiders, and read stories where spiders were the main characters.  We also took time to marvel at the amazing webs the spiders wove in out backyard.  We were completely fascinated by the number of teeny tiny little spiderlings would emerge out of the ball on the momma spider's web.

I also realized, when I flew cross-country by myself with my 3 year-old twins and 18 month old baby, that flying had lost some of its terror.  Every time I get on a plane with my children, I am either too busy attending to them or so focused on modeling the appropriate calm behavior, that I don't seem to have time to get overwhelmingly frightened.  I had noticed this once before when I flew on a business trip next to 2-3 year old boy and was so busy interacting with him that I forgot to get scared.  Now, I actually look out the window at the lovely scenery below.  I'm still nervous, especially when we hit turbulence, but I try to get some joy out of the experience as well.

Heights?  I'm still working on that one.  I won't go up the Space Needle or on the Great Wheel, but I will hike and ride ski lifts and get carefully close to the edge to enjoy a spectacular view.

Today, I was so lucky to sit next to Vidor.  Somehow having his young, inquisitive and impressionable mind so close to me, gave me strength.  I was quite nervous about handling and cutting into the cow eyeballs.  I also thought I would have a tremendously difficult time with actual human organs.  There was a perfect combination of events.  Our instructor said just the right words about honoring the lives that had given us the opportunity to explore and discover.  I had the realization that whatever feelings I had about doing this activity, it was going to happen, right in front of me, I might as well be an active part in it.  Then, right next to me, was this perfect reminder of all the children that I will teach in the future.  I would never want their fears to hold them back.  I couldn't let mine do the same.  I'm so glad that I actively participated.  Once we began, I started to realize I CAN do this.  Looking at all of the pieces and how the fit together and how they functioned just gave me an ever stronger, deeper appreciation of their elegant design.  What a gift.  Thank you, children, for helping me to grow.  I hope I can return the favor.

My own cheer squad

I'm still not entirely certain what my "fitness goal" is.  I'd like to lower my cholesterol.  That is always one of the top items on my list.  Well, I'd like to lower the LDLs and raise the HDLs.  I was glad when my HDLs were over 100.  That was a sign of a good balance for me.  I'd also like to feel more fit.  I'm finding that with my recent lack of activity and resulting weight gain, that all exercise is getting harder.  I'm rapidly losing my endurance, strength, flexibility, and speed.  I want to feel strong and healthy.  I want to set a great example for my children and show them how important it is to take care of your self, every aspect of your self.  I want to eat healthier meals.  I much prefer the satisfied and happy feeling that I have after eating something that is both delicious and healthy over the heavy, tired feeling I get when I eat something too processed, too salty, too sweet, and too fat.  I want to regain that time in the kitchen with my kids when we are cooking together and making up new recipes together.  That makes everyone happy.  I want to get really tired and really sweaty and really sore and still push my way through.  I've only done two days of the 6-week Fitness Challenge on my Wii, but my girls have been there with me both times.  They could have laughed at some of my efforts, but all three of them were there mimcing the personal trainer and cheering me on.  Great Job!  You can do it!  Maria gives me a countdown of how many reps I have left when I'm nearing the end of a really challenging exercise.  They even forgive me for yelling at the machine when I move out of the range of the sensor and the machine tells me I need to work on my technique.  They say "Mom, you swung the racket, but your avatar didn't, the machine doesn't know!"  One time I remembered to say, "oh well, a few extra reps will only make me stronger."  When Angela asked me if this exercise was burning my fat, I said "I just hope it's making all my muscles stronger, including my heart."  I was supposed to run tonight, it's a "rest" day on the fitness challenge.  However, I was a bit overwhelmed by preparing for the microteaching and book discussion tomorrow and being called on to lead and perform in a Taekwon Do demo tonight for Edmonds Night Out.  All of them are enjoyable and productive, but very time-consuming.  I will learn balance.  I have to.  I guess my goal is to simply finish this challenge they way it is laid out.  I will celebrate all of the "trophies" it awards me for meeting my goals but mostly I will be happier in my body again.

Differently . . .

Bear with me.  I have several different thoughts in my head and they haven't quite made their connection yet.

First, in The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, I just read the section where the author used the phrase "Differently Ethical".  It really did seem to fit so well.  The people that she had met seemed to be doing their best to live ethically within the framework of their culture.  There was no intent to deceive or abuse.  They had the best intentions for the children, family, and clan at heart.

Then I somehow jumped to standardized testing.  Hmmm . . . Something about marking all the right boxes.  And, as I type this, I'm sure my thinking was influenced by the description of the extremely creative crib sheets described in the book.  But it was more than that.  The phrase "Differently Intelligent" popped into my head.  One of the examples that Jason used in his class immediately cam to mind.  A middle school boy who had wonderful social skills, and tremendous knowledge of the natural world, but was still learning to write the alphabet.  I was also influenced by reading a blog post by one of my classmates from earlier in the year, "No scraps for that beast" by Orshi.I thought about how much we've discussed how standardized tests only measure a student's ability within a limited scope on a certain day.  Did they have a bad day?  Will they retain any of what is on the test?  Is it important? Will they learn how to solve problems or just memorize answers?

The idea of boxes and definitions persisted in my brain.  I then began thinking of contribution and inspiration.  What do I most admire?  How inspires me?  How do I measure their success?  The first few people who I aspire to be more like do not have an impressive net worth, if we measure worth financially.  But they are some of the richest people I know in relationships, love, discovery, compassion, and countless other ways.  They listen, they learn as much about the people they are helping as they can.  They don't run around distributing handouts.  They do work closely with people and find out they best way they can help them to help themselves.  They are not trying to move everyone out of their neighborhoods or change the lifestyles, they are simply helping them to live.

So, I still don't know where I'm going with all of this.  I feel like I need Jenn to hear my thoughts and say them back to me in her eloquent way so that I can nod and say "Yes, that is what I was thinking."

I think it still has to do with all the boxes.  Who designs the boxes?  What are they really for?  What catastrophe can be imposed on those who don't fit inside?  What if they don't even know they are supposed to fit in the box?  I had this image of a dark background and all of these different sized and shaped quadrilaterals all sort of layered and merged but still somehow retaining their own shape.  This must be Maria's abstract art and geometric shape influence.

I'm also picturing the rendering of synapses from one of the video's in Jean's class.  I feel like those electrical impulses in my brain are firing, but they are not quite reaching the intended destination.  I love that I feel like I have been exposed to so much over the past 5 weeks that my conscious mind is struggling to keep up.  I think that might be learning.  I can hardly wait for the next piece to fall into place and make all these connections complete.

Modeling Health & Fitness

My Fitness (and mental health) goal is to complete the EA Active Sports 30 Day Fitness Challenge on my Wii.  I know that I start the day more energized and in a better frame of mind if I exercise first.  I will not wait until I "have time".  This challenge will now be a priority.  In my head, I am making it a homework requirement.  That boosts my ability to make time for exercise above housework, marketing work, etc.  I am starting tomorrow morning.  Yes, Sunday, July 27th!  There are rest days built into the program.  I would like to use those days for running.  Running is not just exercise for me.  It's not mind-clearing either, instead it seems to be a time for a rush of ideas and mental organization.  I equate running with clear thinking. 

I will continue to log my food and will actually begin tracking my weight (ugh!).  But, I know that if I stick with it, I will have positive results.  The food logging is still making me think about everything I eat.  It doesn't always change what I eat.  Let's face it, I have to eat whatever is available when I have low blood sugar.  It's not really a time to assess the health benefits of the next thing that I pop into my mouth, except for "will this have enough carbs to keep me from passing out" and "does it have enough protein and fiber to keep be from crashing again in 20-30 minutes?"  Meals are much better and more balanced when I have time to plan, shop, and cook.  Those days will come again.

I'm looking forward to dusting off the Wii tomorrow and listening to my kids giggle while I try to reacquaint myself with the timing required to shoot baskets, perform jumps on the skateboard ramp, and whatever other fun challenges the game throws my way.

Feel the burn

More than the fire in my chest from pushing myself to run at my training pace from 2 years ago, more than the pain in my hip from an old running injury, I felt the burn of the glare I received from the other lady at the track today.  I could feel her disgust when after slowing down to find out why my daughter was running across the field to me crying, I responded with "Sweetheart, I'm sorry that I was running too fast for you, I didn't know you were trying to keep up with me.  Remember that we talked before I started my run.  You were going to play on the playground or run or ride bikes with your sisters."  To which she said "Mom, I just wanted to be by you."  Ouch.  And yet, I still said "Maria, I just need this one half hour out of the whole weekend to do something important for Mommy.  And that means that I'm going to try to run fast, Okay?"  She nodded and walked with her older sister to the playground.  Maria seemed to have instantly forgiven me.  The lady walking past apparently did not.  I started running again.  I was frustrated because I really had a great pace going and I had lost my momentum.  I had just passed that running wall and found my stride, when bam!, I had to stop.  I kept running, trying to regain my rhythm.  I looked back frequently to see what my girls were doing.  Every time I looked, I could feel my track mate's disgust at my selfish desire to run 3 miles without interruption.  I don't have any idea if the lady even noticed the interaction between my child and I.  It is possible that she had earphones on and hadn't heard a single syllable of our conversation.  It's possible that the disdain was purely imagined, due to the guilt I was feeling for not slowing down to run with my child.  But I still felt it while I was finishing my run.  I have to let go of what other people might think.  I have to be okay with the decisions I make for myself and my family.  I want to be healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally for me and for them.  Right now, regaining that healthy state requires me to run, to push myself.  Hopefully I am setting a good example of the importance of fitness and taking time for yourself.

I come from a mixed family

My father has been teaching Taekwon Do for over 40 years.  He is one of those people that nearly everyone wants to be around.  He just makes you feel good about yourself.  When I read the excerpt from Mindset by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., I realized that my dad is our John Wooden.  He has high expectations for all of his students.  He does not expect perfection from anyone, but he does expect your best effort.  He has always recognized that "best effort" is as individual as the student.  He tells his students that our competitions are opportunities to improve, any trophies that you may take home are simply a bonus.  When we are in class he encourages everyone to work hard, but reminds them that they are not in the class to impress him, they are there to impress themselves.  His attitude and confidence in all of his students makes them all want to work harder and be better.

My mother has always told us that we can do anything that we put our mind to.  We just have to work hard enough.  Despite her best intentions and her constant attempts to motivate us to, I would have to place her in the fixed mindset category.  My most distinct memories of advice from my mother are specific references to people who did something better than me, if I worked harder I could be more like them.  So, I was left with the feeling that I was working pretty hard, and doing very well, but it was never quite enough.  Don't get me wrong, I don't feel that I am scarred or damaged in any way.  I have been instilled will a very strong work ethic and I truly appreciate that.

I was introduced to this concept in my first Math for Elementary Teachers course.  Our professor warned us against telling our students how smart they were, especially girls.  He wanted us to remember to recognize hard work.  Students who found math relatively easy in their early grades and were told how smart they were would start to feel that they were not smart enough when the math started to get more complicated.  I really appreciated having this theory expanded in the Mindset reading. 

I am beginning to see some of the growth mindset in myself, finally.  Particularly with regard to Art.  I have moved from feeling that I have not an artistic bone in my body to believing that I am capable, with a willingness to learn and a lot (I MEAN A LOT!) of practice.  The New Learning project assigned my Jean Eisele was so important for me.  Even in only a few weeks I realized that I was capable of doing something that I had considered near impossible before.  I couldn't expect myself to be Picasso at first, or ever, for that matter.  But, I could learn how to draw.  It was a perfect lead in to the Art course that we are now taking with Maria.  I try to approach each new project thinking, "I can do this", no one is expecting greatness, they are expecting me to make an effort and learn something.  I still find myself feeling somewhat satisfied with my creations and then looking around and seeing my classmates work and thinking "SHOOT!"  I am so impressed at what they have done.  I feel like mine just pales in comparison.  They are black belts in Art and I am simply a beginner.  I will not diminish their work by saying "Well, they have natural talent.  It just comes easy to them".  I have heard that enough in my 40+ years of Taekwon Do to know how utterly frustrating that can be.

A list of activities does not a lesson plan make

Today was one of those AHA! days for me.  The ideas seemed so obvious, and yet they had not occurred to me before.  There have been so many days over the last four years of teaching Sunday School where I wondered what the kids had learned in the short 55 minutes they spent with me.  I had written a lesson plan, I read all of the material, I tried to provide several opportunities for interaction, allowing the children to share their personal connections to the theme for the day.  And yet, when they left, I felt something had been missing.  What had I wanted them to learn?  And there it is, the answer.  I had not set clear, simple expectations of what I wanted them to learn/experience/discover.  My "lesson plan" was written from my point of view, the teacher.  It was simply a list of all of the activities from my perspective.  I was thorough and listed what I would read, all of the materials needed for the crafts, what songs I would sing, what I needed the volunteers to do to ensure smooth transitions between activities, but there were no clear learning objectives for the children.  AHA!

I did have a moment where I wondered if what we were trying to accomplish meshed with the idea of creating objectives that were less task oriented and more geared toward discovery and exploration.  But, there is no conflict.  It is a matter of simplification, breaking the goals down in to singular expectations. describing how the objectives would be assessed, and how to gather evidence that the objectives have been met.  The idea seems so straightforward, so simple.  The execution, well that remains to be seen.

Inspiration or just a kick in the . . .

I have been very frustrated by my change in lifestyle since I went back to school.  I hardly exercise.  I average less than 6 hours of sleep every night. I have lost control of my blood sugar because I'm eating prepared food or whatever is fastest out of the fridge.  I'm used to a regular routine of Taekwon Do, running, and some yoga.  Usually, I cook all of my food from scratch so I know exactly what I'm eating and I can be certain that my family is getting balanced meals.  When life is particularly stressful I have always had the outlet of a really intense workout where I get to beat up a bunch of imaginary bad guys.  That is my stress management.  When I am frustrated I fall back on two things, Taekwon Do and cooking.  Those are two things that I know I can do well.  Right now, during one of the more stressful times of my life, at least as far as time management is concerned, I feel like I can't fall back on either of them.  Since I started this journey to become I teacher, I have gained the "Freshman 15".  Something has to change.  In addition to gaining weight, when I don't have regular exercise I am very cranky, depressed and anxious.  My three children and my husband are not particularly fond of this change in my attitude.  SOMETHING has to CHANGE.

As hard as it is to log food, not because of the work involved, but because of the honesty, this is a great project for me.  I think it is just exactly the proverbial kick in the . . . that I need.  I am now determined to carve out time to exercise.  I know that getting that oxygen pumped to my brain will help me to retain more of what I read, sleep better, smile more, and quite literally, be lighter on my feet.  That will be great for increasing the height of my jumping kicks!  Because of the concept mapping that we did today in class, I was reminded of the importance of not just taking time, but making time, to take care of myself.  I feel a little less guilty about wanting to go for a run instead of washing the dishes.  Off I go.