Feel the burn

More than the fire in my chest from pushing myself to run at my training pace from 2 years ago, more than the pain in my hip from an old running injury, I felt the burn of the glare I received from the other lady at the track today.  I could feel her disgust when after slowing down to find out why my daughter was running across the field to me crying, I responded with "Sweetheart, I'm sorry that I was running too fast for you, I didn't know you were trying to keep up with me.  Remember that we talked before I started my run.  You were going to play on the playground or run or ride bikes with your sisters."  To which she said "Mom, I just wanted to be by you."  Ouch.  And yet, I still said "Maria, I just need this one half hour out of the whole weekend to do something important for Mommy.  And that means that I'm going to try to run fast, Okay?"  She nodded and walked with her older sister to the playground.  Maria seemed to have instantly forgiven me.  The lady walking past apparently did not.  I started running again.  I was frustrated because I really had a great pace going and I had lost my momentum.  I had just passed that running wall and found my stride, when bam!, I had to stop.  I kept running, trying to regain my rhythm.  I looked back frequently to see what my girls were doing.  Every time I looked, I could feel my track mate's disgust at my selfish desire to run 3 miles without interruption.  I don't have any idea if the lady even noticed the interaction between my child and I.  It is possible that she had earphones on and hadn't heard a single syllable of our conversation.  It's possible that the disdain was purely imagined, due to the guilt I was feeling for not slowing down to run with my child.  But I still felt it while I was finishing my run.  I have to let go of what other people might think.  I have to be okay with the decisions I make for myself and my family.  I want to be healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally for me and for them.  Right now, regaining that healthy state requires me to run, to push myself.  Hopefully I am setting a good example of the importance of fitness and taking time for yourself.